Editor’s note: This is the follow-up to our story in the July 2 edition, Peace is more than a military construct.
BARRY’S BAY – Evan Nickerson, then a senior at Madawaska Valley District High School, made a presentation to council for the Township of Madawaska Valley (MV) in May 2023 asking council to fly the Pride flag for the month of June. Evan presented a petition with more than 160 signatures supporting their effort to have the township fly the Pride flag. Three letters of support were included with Evan’s presentation from a total of 11 they received. They noted 10 municipalities within Renfrew County which fly a Pride flag in support of LGBTQ+ inclusion. The County of Renfrew also actively supports Pride activities in the county. In June 2024, council for Killaloe, Hagarty and Richards voted to raise the Pride flag every year for the month of June. The Renfrew County Catholic District School Board also displays a Pride flag symbol on its Facebook page and states that, “With pride we affirm that everyone belongs at RCCDSB.” Numerous Pride events are held throughout the month in Renfrew County.
Evan asked council to revise its existing flag policy; which states that only the national, provincial and municipal flags can be flown on municipal property, to include a permanent exemption for Pride in June. “It’s so much more than raising a flag. It’s taking a stand for people simply seeking acceptance and I think this is an important change for Barry’s Bay.”
Evan read a letter from former MV resident Allie Conway in which Conway spoke about growing up in Barry’s Bay and that she was not able to come out until moving away to Halifax in her 20s. “My whole life, I saw no representation of anything other than straight relationships and overall adopted a rather homophobic mindset myself as that’s all I saw and heard at the school and in the community. I can’t imagine the difference it would have made to see a Pride flag waving in my town growing up.
“I still feel uncomfortable coming back to my hometown simply because of who I am because I still remember it as a place where people like me were not welcome.
“I truly hope things have changed and seeing the Pride flag would make a huge difference in people’s lives. Kids like me who had to hide who they were and adults like me who would like to bring their kids back to live out fun summer memories.”
Conway recently co-authored a book with her wife about parenting as a lesbian couple.
Council defeated a resolution 3-2 to declare June as Pride Month and fly the Pride flag on a municipal flagpole for the week of June 5. Council approved a motion to declare June as Pride Month and display the Pride flag on the digital sign board at the entrance road to Paul J. Yakabuski Community Centre 4-1. Both were recorded votes. The Pride flag was displayed on the digital sign board again in June this year.
In May 2024, MV resident Rae Stanley submitted a letter to the township and asked that it be put on the public record. Stanley expressed opposition to any recognition of Pride in the township
Stanley declined to be interviewed for this story. In her email declining the Gazette’s request, she said, “it’s kind of a quagmire of politically correct manipulation and virtue signaling, with things like ‘hate speech.’” Despite declining to be interviewed, Stanley attempted to influence the focus of this story through email messages.
Pflag Renfrew County submitted a letter in response to Stanley which was included in the June 18, 2024 council meeting package.
The letter, from Executive Director Jill Holroyd, stated that the Stanley letter, “contains misleading and harmful statements that cannot go unaddressed – precisely the kind of rhetoric that creates a climate of fear for 2SLGBTQ+ people in Madawaska Valley Township.”
Holroyd states that she has heard personally from residents of MV who, “cannot publicly express their support for the Pride flag or Pride events because they are afraid for their safety and/or their loved one’s safety and/or their livelihood.”
The letter notes that, despite gains in rights and protections, LGBTQ+ individuals, “continue to hear hateful and dehumanizing comments at home, school, work and in their community, putting them at elevated risk of anxiety, depression, substance use, homelessness and suicide.”
Holroyd says that the LGBTQ+ community is not a “special interest group.”
Pflag organized the presentation about peace by Chris Houston June 23 at the legion in Barry’s Bay.
The local context
There is no need to look to Alberta or the United States for anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric. LifeSiteNews is, for all intents and purposes, based in Barry’s Bay. The site has published extensive anti-LGBTQ+ commentary. The board of directors of LifeSite recently released editor-in-chief and co-founder John-Henry Westen.
Holroyd told the Gazette that the, “rhetoric and disinformation, it’s deeply concerning. It’s endangering people in the community.” The message in the letter is intended to demean and dehumanize which, “fuels hate, leads to harassment and violence.” Letting the rhetoric go unchallenged, Holroyd said, allows hate to flourish in a “vacuum of silence.”
She spoke about rising anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment in the country and the need to actively protect people in that community, “and it starts in our local communities.” Speaking specifically of transgender people, Holroyd said some of the issue is lack of awareness. Many in small towns don’t know or haven’t met a transgender person and when they read anti-transgender misinformation, they may tend to believe it. “They’re our family members, our friends, our neighbours, our colleagues and they deserve the same rights, safety and respect as anyone else.”
Holroyd encouraged members of the community to, “act with curiosity, compassion and courage. Curiosity to learn. Get the facts. Be curious instead of believing what you read on social media. Get the facts from reputable sources. And act with compassion understanding that the 2SLGBTQ+ community is made up of people. And acting with courage to speak out against the hate,” and stand up for LGBTQ+ rights and inclusion.
An advocate’s point of view
Fae Johnstone is a transgender rights activist and executive director of Momentum Canada, a group which advocates for social and gender justice.
Johnstone was provided a copy of the Stanley letter and said, “I think this language is intended to fuel animosity and hostility. It takes the community that is just trying to live our lives, to have the same freedom, equality and opportunities as everyone else as some sort of insidious threat.” The result is that people, including friends, neighbours and co-workers treat LGBTQ+ individuals differently.
Johnstone spoke about the idea of people being closeted out of fear and how dangerous that could be. “Imagine knowing who you are and going through that process of unpacking the shame and the stigma that most of us are still taught from a very young age and then not being able to be your honest and authentic self because of a risk and a fear of discrimination and, in fact, violence.”
She said attempting to deny people that ability flies in the face of Canadian values.
“We struggle to get kids to do their darn homework,” Johnstone said, of the idea that there is a “trans-agenda” to turn children gay or transgender. “Do you really think we’re able to change something so fundamental about somebody’s identity?” People know who they are and that can’t be changed. “This is a fundamental misunderstanding of what we are. What we’re trying to do is make sure that a trans kid, a gay kid or a kid who’s different in some other way is able to grow into a healthy and happy adult.” People deserve to be accepted, she said, regardless of race, creed, sexuality or sexual identification.
Johnstone’s focus is, “I’m thinking about how do we stop kids from being kicked out of their homes,” rather than anti-LGBTQ+ stereotypes of conspiracies.
An ally’s perspective
The Gazette spoke with a resident of MV who is an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. An ally is someone who is straight or heterosexual or heteronormative, who supports and advocates for LGBTQ+ rights. We have granted the individual anonymity out of concern for their safety. The person grew up in an ultra-conservative Catholic community.
“We were raised in it, we were taught the gay agenda.” This gay agenda, in their upbringing, is an effort to make being LGBTQ+ acceptable, “where any exposure in any way to the ‘gay agenda’ will brainwash and indoctrinate your children.
“The entire pedagogy,” of the group is that, “this will destroy your kids. The level of danger that this kind of rhetoric increases for queer people goes up and up.”
Referencing the fear of personal safety on the part of people to support the LGBTQ+ community or to be openly out as LGBTQ+, they said they have experienced it personally. “What I’ve experienced is one of the biggest deterrents for a lot of people to come forward because this is happening to a straight,” person. They said they have received calls from people who have said, “people in my town want me dead. This is what they’re celebrating.”
The only “mental illness” this Catholic group recognizes is being gay, they said, emphasizing the viewpoint of being gay or gender diverse as an illness, “and you cure that through heterosexual marriage.” Curing or converting ‘gayness’, so-called conversion therapy is illegal in Canada.
A queer voice
A member of the queer community in MV spoke with the Gazette about their experience growing up in the ultra-conservative Catholic environment. We have granted them anonymity to safeguard their wellbeing.
While out to a few very close friends, they are not out to family or the broader community. They identify as bisexual. “I’ve had relationships with both men and women. I tend more towards women but that was definitely not a part of myself that was not allowed to exist at all,” in their community growing up. They realized their same-sex attractions at around 12 or 13 years old, when they first started to become aware of the idea of attraction.
Living away from Barry’s Bay for a time allowed them to have relationships with both men and women, something that they said was not possible in Barry’s Bay.
Being fully out to their family and the particular Catholic community, “could mean being asked to leave. I actually, genuinely think there’s a safety concern for queer people in this area from the Catholic community,” they said.
In the community, they said, same-sex relationships, “mean you’re fundamentally broken. There’s something wrong with you if you are cursed with this. Exorcism is an option.”
They spoke about the effect of having to hide who they are and said, as a child, it never occurred to them that there was anything different from what they felt in terms of attraction. “I just thought it was the universal human experience of being a young teen. I was just myself.” In their later teens, they began to become aware of the anti-LGBTQ+ focus of the community and, “it hit me. The sort of internalized shame and homophobia hit me later. I really just thought, ‘they can’t (know). I cannot speak it. I just, by sheer force of will, will not be gay.’
“I remember feeling like I was being dragged into a pit and the metaphor that came into my mind was grabbing at tree roots trying not to be pulled down into this pit of being gay. Of course, that was havoc on my mental health.”
In their late teens and early 20s, their mental health continued to suffer, “not just because of being queer in a deeply homophobic community but because there were so many factors in what was taught and what was believed.
“It was like a cage around the mind. I really felt psychologically trapped. It wasn’t just the homophobia. It was a very closed prison of fundamental Catholic teaching.”
They said the threat of being shut out, of being shunned is a powerful motivator and, “nothing so powerful over people’s behaviour than the threat of withdrawal of community and connection.”
The mayor’s voice
Mayor Mark Willmer spoke to the Gazette in 2024, prior to his death.
Willmer said the idea that people are afraid to speak out or are closeted out of fears for their safety is concerning. “I always find something like that concerning. My approach is, we are trying to make sure Madawaska Valley is seen as an inclusive; and inclusive means to everybody, all races all cultures.”
Willmer paused for several second then continued, saying, “this is 2024. We’re no longer in the 1970s. We’ve come a long, long way. Acceptance has become much more natural.” He acknowledged that there will always be groups of people who are opposed to inclusivity and diversity. “My approach is, I accept all and I want our township to reflect that attitude.”
The mayor pushed back on the idea that the township is not accepting. “I think there are certain elements that don’t but overall, when I look at the big picture, there are a lot of people who are accepting in this community.”
Many communities have moved past the debate that is taking place in MV. The fact it is still going on in MV meant, for Willmer, there is more work to do, “my goal is to continue to strive to make this community as accepting as possible.”
Willmer believed having the Pride flag on the digital sign board is an achievement, “I think we’ve made big progress getting it up there.” He said he heard from some of the disenfranchised in the LGBTQ+ community, “that they thought it was a really big step forward for this municipality.
“I really feel we are headed in the right direction. Small steps at a time are better than trying to take one big bite. I like the way we’re going. I hope we can continue to move forward.”
He went on to say that, “the fact that there’s still people feeling uncomfortable that they can’t live their lifestyle is disturbing. And that is the story,” in a nod to the broader human rights issues at play, “it wouldn’t matter whether that’s because of their religious beliefs their sexual beliefs, it doesn’t matter. The fact that there are people uncomfortable that they can’t live the lifestyle they choose in our township is bothersome to me.
“It’s not just the Pride issue. It’s anyone feeling that they’re in a place where they can’t live the lifestyle they choose.”
Madawaska Valley, he said, is more than just Barry’s Bay and outside of Barry’s Bay, Willmer is confident that people are welcoming and open-minded.
Willmer understood the reality that young people may move away to go to university or college, make new friends, talk about their hometown and talk about its lack of acceptance. “It’s been ingrained into people for years and years. All I can focus on is where we are, how I feel about this township and continue to be positive and stress the positives of living here.
“I feel we should be open to everyone here.” Moving too fast, he felt, can create more problems in the long run. “To me, it’s better to keep things on a, sort of, low key and continue to work to improve as we move forward.”
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